sometimes I think i know about the things that are going on in my life, and sometimes i am just really confused. i HATE being confused about things. i like to know exactly what is going on and what's going to be going on especially if its something important to me. i just feel like my life is hanging in the balance and i am just waiting for something to happen. i just constantly feel like im waiting for good stuff to finally happen. after going through so much bad stuff i feel like this universe owes me some friggin happiness. i know that i need to make things happen in my life but i can only do so much then the rest is dependent upon other factors that i cannot control. i just have been so shaky and feel like i have been waiting for my life to happen for so long.
sometimes i feel like i cannot keep waiting or keep surrounding myself with people that don't give me answers, don't supply me with the things i need, and people who just keep me in the waiting/confused state. i don't know. maybe i just want to know what's going to happen so that if something isn't going to work then i can have a backup plan and not just be blindsided...like i usually am. i want more control but i don't get it.
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